• People who eat with their mouth open: I’m not sure how you were brought up or which forest it was in but the last thing I want to see or hear is your snaggle-toothed tunnel sized mouth munching on cheese cake. If you can’t help it, sympathy given but I hear there are some pretty decent masks out there.

• The curious stopper: “Look at me, I’m walking around town, having a stroll. Oh look..isn’t that dress nice, let’s stop right here in the middle of the pathway and look at it” Not aware that it’s Saturday afternoon in the city centre and I’ve just had to dodge you bastard because I do not possess telepathic powers that tell me when you are going to randomly stop in front of me. Not only that but I had to dodge the oncoming man who then probably thought I was a bastard. So, you enjoy that dress, shame you won’t fit into it.

• The cutlery muncher: Cutlery, or mostly, is metal. So you can’t eat your fork. So why do you persist on ramming your ogre teeth onto that fork? The scraping noise alone is enough for me to want to ram that fork somewhere else.

• The Conversation Sharer: So I’m sitting on the train, happily enjoying the peace and quiet, actually, no I’m not. You are telling me indirectly how your day went on your phone to your tosser friend. “I can’t believe Jane said she was going to the party..” “Yeah i know right”…”A pony? hahaha” “Oh just three times” “Wait what? No no, just the occasional sneeze” “hahahahahahahahaha” “yeah forty two only”..is your friend deaf? Do you feel that it’s important for me to decipher your asinine conversation to your asinine friend? Shut it.

• Blue tooth wanderer: You: “heya!” Me: “Oh hi?” ……………..Me: “Oh, you’re not talking to me. How embarressing.” You’ve made me look inadvertently stupid when really, you are the gobshite who can’t be arsed to hold a phone to your ear.

• My music is cool, listen!: Wow your headphones are loud. You do realise what you are listening to may sound good your end, but to me it sounds like a really fecking annoying cluster bomb of shite coming out of a tin can.

• The Synch Walking Experience: I’ve just crossed the street and aligned with my path of direction at a steady speed. However I have just joined you on your path and you are to my left and walking the exact same speed in the same direction. I try to speed up, you must have thought the same thing and begin to speed up so I slow down and you of course do the same. It’s not your fault, it’s mine, I joined this path. So I will do the honorable thing and turn right and take the longer way home just to avoid this awkwardness.

• My Wrong way action! – For some odd reason, If I take a wrong turn and notice it. I will continue to walk in that direction as I don’t want people to see me stop and turn around. It’s just stupid. So I walk on, my imaginery/fake phone call alerts me of something that I may have forgotten from where I just came from. Now I feel ok to stop and turn around. Stupid.

• BBC Radio 1 – Pile of wank. Same to everyone who texts in to say how many slices of bread they can fit between their ears. They play the same songs, all day long. People know this, yet they listen to it. Good one. (I have friends who listen to Radio 1….no offense folks. Kinda.)

• Heheheheheheehehe / LOL / OMG (particularly if actually said) : I know someone who answers most things with and ends their sentences with “hehehe”.  What the feck are you doing? Do you say to someone “Hey, fancy going out tonight for a drink? hehehehe” or “Hello! hehehe”. No you don’t. Save it. I was perusing through HMV the other day when I over heard a nonpubed boy say to his friend “they’ve changed how it looks in here LOL”. I had to get as far away as possible from him for his own good.

• Rihanna -  Are you stuck in that high pitched whingey tone? Also, try smiling you hag.

• Jo whiley – “I really love those icelandic guys Sigur Ros, their music is inspiring. True musicians. Right, now it’s time for Rihanna with a bit of Umbrella ella ella ey ey ey” F you Jo.

• Their / There / Your / You’re (incorrent usage) – “Hey, you’re car seems to be on fire over their. Your not going to be happy about this, but the guys who did it, there Dad is your boss.” A-hole. I don’t pride myself with my skills in language but these mistakes are a bit of a pet hate.

I’ve actually cut this list short as I’m losing the will to carry on. Next, a list of things I like. Yes, I do like some things.